The Curious Case of the Kentish Clergyman, Chapter 14. Narrated by Elizabeth Bennet Darcy.
The trouble with laying snares in a park is that one cannot choose one's game.
I went out early, by the grove where the colonel made his morning round, with my questions about Mr. Darcy folded up small and a face arranged for happy accident; and the gentleman who came round the turn of the path, hat in hand, walking as though the grove were a thing to be got through rather than enjoyed, was Mr. Darcy himself. We were both of us visibly the wrong person. He recovered first — he asked whether I walked there often, said three further things at intervals of forty yards, none of which survived in my memory past the saying, and at the parsonage gate bowed and went on; and I stood looking after him and concluded that he had come out to be disagreeable in the open air for variety, the rooms at Rosings being all used up. My snare I carried home unsprung. The colonel, I learned afterward, had ridden out with the steward all morning, being the kind of man who will agree to anything at breakfast.
The summons to Rosings overtook us at noon, and so it was an evening with the whole company, and my questions had to keep another day. I will give the evening honestly, because I enjoyed it, and because I have set myself the rule of this account that I am not to be wiser on the page than I was in the room.
Mary played. She had brought new music and a fortnight's practice to bear, and when Lady Catherine's attention had gone elsewhere I went and turned my sister's pages myself — I had not forgotten the fish dinner — and was paid with the second of her unconsidered smiles, which were becoming, by Kentish reckoning, almost frequent. It was while I stood at the instrument that Mr. Darcy came and took up his old position where he could see my face; and I had learned by then what to do with the arrangement, which was to use it.
"You are come to examine me again, Mr. Darcy. I am grown quite used to it. You stood just so at my aunt Philips's, the whole of an evening — an hour of sentry duty by the wall, and at the end of it you asked the one woman in the room most certain to quarrel with you to dance."
"I chose the conversation likeliest to repay the standing."
"Then you were well served, for you got nothing from it but impertinence."
"I got the only half-hour of that evening I can still give an account of," he said, and before I had decided what to do with that, Lady Catherine's voice arrived from her chair by the fire.
"What is that you are saying, Darcy? What is it you are talking of? Let me hear what it is."
"We are speaking of music, madam," said he, with a composure that I privately awarded full marks, considering.
"Of music! Then pray speak aloud. There are few people in England, I suppose, who have more true enjoyment of music than myself, or a better natural taste. If I had ever learnt, I should have been a great proficient." She then instructed Mary, through two full movements, in the management of her wrists; and the room having thus been re-tuned to its proper key, Mr. Darcy and I were left to ourselves at the margin of it.
"You mean to frighten me out of finding your character, sir, but you will not manage it. I am making a study of it, and the materials are contradictory. Your cousin tells me of a man who is the soul of liberality among his own people, and I have seen a man who would not be introduced to strangers at any price the country could offer. Which is the forgery?"
"Neither. I have not the talent some possess," he said, "of appearing to advantage among people I have never seen. I cannot catch their tone, or seem interested in their concerns, as I observe other men do."
"I do not play this instrument as well as my sister," I said, nodding at Mary, "and I have always supposed it my own fault, for not practising. A man may say the same of catching strangers' tones."
"You are perfectly right. The fault is laziness, or worse. We neither of us perform to strangers, Miss Bennet — you have said so yourself — but you have the kinder audience of the two, for yours forgives the performance and mine only endures it."
"Now you are fishing for contradiction, and I shall not give it. Let us have your defects instead; you will be safer there. Come, you have examined the whole county; submit to a little examination in your turn."
"I have faults enough," he said, "but I hope they are none of them faults of understanding. My temper I cannot vouch for. It might be called resentful. My good opinion, once lost, is lost for ever."
"That is a failing indeed. Implacable resentment is a shade in a character. But you have chosen your fault well — I cannot laugh at it. You are safe from me."
"There is, I believe, in every disposition a tendency to some natural defect, which not even the best education can overcome."
"And your defect is a propensity to hate everybody."
"And yours," he said, with a smile, "is wilfully to misunderstand them."
I had my mouth open for the return — I had three returns, and was choosing among them like a woman at a ribbon counter — when Lady Catherine demanded to know what we were saying for the second time, and music was applied to all of us until the carriage. I record that I went home down the dark lane in a glow of good temper I attributed entirely to the quality of the fencing, and gave not one thought to my opponent's reasons for offering me his breast to hit at of an evening. I was winning an argument. I had been winning it, by my own count, since October. Colonel Fitzwilliam, who had spent the evening on the sofa with the face of a man given excellent seats at a play, said as we parted that he had rarely seen his cousin so well entertained, and I took it for a compliment to my wit, and so it was, and that is all I took it for.
The next morning my snare caught its intended game at last. The colonel came swinging along the grove path on his last day but two, hailed me from twenty yards, and fell in beside me as though we had arranged it — which one of us had.
He was easy, as always, and three subjects deep before the first turning: the regiments going to Brighton, a cousin's wedding he was bid to in May, the melancholy economics of younger sons. He was very droll about the last. He must marry money, he said, younger sons of earls being a luxury article kept up entirely for show, like the Guards themselves — "we are the two finest regiments in England, Miss Bennet, my brother officers and I and the unmarried younger sons, and neither of us has ever been fired upon" — and I laughed and led him, by the most accidental of my accidental questions, to the subject of his cousin.
"Oh, Darcy is the best friend going," said the colonel, "if you can stand the management. He looks after his people, you know — looks after them whether they will or no. It is his only vice. He takes care of his sister, his estate, his friends' affairs, my travelling arrangements, and the seating at his aunt's table, all in the same spirit, and the rest of us are left nothing to do but be grateful. Why, on this very journey he gave me a proof of it I am not supposed to repeat — though there are no names in it, so I shall. He was congratulating himself, in his quiet way, on having lately saved a friend from a most imprudent marriage. Steered him clean out of it, just in time, and counts it among the best offices he ever did a man. There is Darcy entire: the friend sleeps safe in his bed and never knows how near he came to happiness."
He laughed at his own turn, and I laughed with him, at the proper volume, in the proper place.
"Did Mr. Darcy give his reasons for the rescue?" I asked. "One likes the whole of a story."
"There were no strong objections to the lady herself, I understood. The family, I believe — something amiss with the family. He did not enlarge upon it and I did not press; it was a confidence, you know, even without the names." He swung his stick at a dandelion clock and moved to his fourth subject, the fishing at Pemberley, and I walked beside him down the whole length of the grove agreeing that trout were difficult, while behind my face the names he had left out of his story arranged themselves in their only possible order.
Jane. The family — something amiss with the family. My mother's volume, my sisters' wildness, the whole catalogue read off at twenty paces a year ago and never re-examined; and on the strength of it, two people who had loved each other parted by a third, who had then congratulated himself on his success. There had been a week, after Netherfield emptied, when Jane asked me whether she had been mistaken in him, whether she had shown too little, whether it were her own fault; and she had carried it ever since with that steadiness that was worse than weeping; and the man responsible had been standing in his aunt's drawing-room these three weeks, offering me his defects to laugh at, telling me his good opinion once lost was lost for ever — as though his good opinion had been the thing on trial.
The colonel handed me through the parsonage gate with some pleasantry I answered. I have no memory of it. He went off down the lane perfectly content with his morning, a kind man who never in his life learned what he had done in the course of it; and that ignorance, I came in time to understand, was the only innocent thing in the whole business, and I have never once held it against him.
The others were engaged to Rosings that evening. I pleaded my headache — which by six o'clock was honest — and was left alone in the parlour with the candles and my sister's letters, which I read straight through twice, every page of her careful unhappiness fresh under my hand. The house was quiet. Rosings would keep them all till ten. I had three hours, I reckoned, to be angry in private, and I meant to use every one of them.
